Film Review: “Cooties” by Blade Brown
A mysterious virus hits an isolated elementary school, transforming the kids into a feral swarm of mass savages. An unlikely hero must lead a motley band of teachers in the fight of their lives.
On paper, the concept for this movie seems ridiculous. Hell, in reality the concept of the movie is ridiculous. Fortunately, the movie know what it is, and basks in its ridiculousness. It’s a goofy horror/comedy with a unique spin on a zombie genre that was in need of a good twist.
The movie starts with us viewing chicken nuggets being processed, with one nugget clearly being contaminated. The nuggets find their way to a local school, and a young girl eats it. Soon, she becomes infected and ends up biting the class bully after he inadvertently pulls her hair (and flesh) out. Naturally, the boy becomes infected. Who then ends up infecting other kids, and before you know it, all of the kids have been infected and are hunting all of the teachers.
The teachers are an interesting bunch. Not particularly being the best role models as is, they’re stuck in a situation where they must ban together in order to stay alive. Easier said than done. One of the teachers does some investigating after another is scratched by a student who turned, but hasn’t turned himself. The teacher concludes that the virus only infects those who haven’t hit puberty. How he did this, I have no clue. But again, the movie is called Cooties, so just go with it. From there, the plan is simple: escape the school by any means necessary.
While being a dumb movie, its a very entertaining one. It prides itself on not being too serious. Its got the perfect blend of gore and humor that make it worth the watch. Its not a Oscar winner by any means, but it is a fun 90 minutes. That’s a hard thing to come by these days. So take it and run with it.
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